Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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