thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
