i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
