it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
