You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Less talking, more tequila
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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