don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
