2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
