"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
