sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
