we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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