but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ketchup is God's man juice
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
