if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
