dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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