it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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