Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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