My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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