the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
