It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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