It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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