Pregnant stripper...not hot.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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