He disabled his match.com account in front of me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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