People with herpes should wear stickers.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
