Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
