If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
