Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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