Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
