There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
