he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize