The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Never underestimate the power of titties
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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