Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Soap is not a condiment
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
