i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize