Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
