she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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