Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
