And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize