God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My vagina just clenched in fear
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
