He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
BRING THE BAGELS
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
