I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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