My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
