Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
