My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
