garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
