I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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