you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
