you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
