I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
