Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
