Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are the jesus of drinking
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
