i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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