i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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