I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
