Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
