Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
