I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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