I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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