was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
