I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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