So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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