I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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