why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
