You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize