lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
