Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
