im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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