accomplished twins. life is a go
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
