ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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