I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
