Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How's work?
Spinning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
