plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
