i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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