I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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