i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
