I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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