so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
