never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
