i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
