im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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