Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
